2013 has been good to me, so far.
I started the year by getting my dream job. I was stagnant for a month. Truth be told, the search was frustrating but it lead me to an opportunity that is very promising but different from the job I want.
Come February, I became a working girl. I work regular shifts, dress in corporate attire and deal with irate clients. Payday came and I was ready to cash out my paycheck when the ATM machine decided to restart and it ended up debiting my whole paycheck. I recovered my money after a week. All in all, work is work.
While I was gone here, I reconnected with a past lover, Brewed Coffee. My heart palpitated after 5 cups and since then, I swore not to drink or even think about it ever again.
So that’s me and what I was doing with my life these past few months. My contract for the company I’m working is due to terminate at the end of the month.
Oh, what to do next?
Growing up, I’ve never really had that “Father Figure” because my Dad works abroad. 30 days out of the 365 days, a month per year do I get the chance to have a complete family. There was a time he decided to give it a try here. Only then I get the chance to see my parents together. It was hard for them, struggling to make ends meet so they can send both me and my brother to school. They had a few disagreements. My Mom is very outspoken, and there I would see my Dad, just quietly listening. I’ve never heard them yell at each other.
A few years later, my world expanded. I’ve seen how people can be mean and inhumane.
I’ve seen my close gal friend get beat up by her boyfriend at school. The look on that guy’s face was very scary, like he can kill anybody in that moment. I was afraid, but I have to protect my friend. I must up every ounce of courage left in me and shielded her from her attacker.
“Don’t you dare take a step closer or I will call the police and have you arrested. Don’t try me.”
A bunch of school officials came in and intervened. It turns out the boyfriend was some kind of stockholder in our school so there wasn’t any written reports about the incident. They were able to convince everyone that it was a domestic dispute and we don’t have the right to intervene. That guy still freely walks the halls of our school, even after I graduate. Nobody’s safe, especially for people like me and my friend.
I have a cousin who got beat up by a drunk and abusive brother-in-law because of a simple misunderstanding. Please take not that my cousin just gave birth via C-Section and she got kicked right where she has her stitches. She is black and blue all over. She called our family, crying for help. She did what she could. She reported the incident to the Baranggay Hall. She went to the Police but the sad part is the Women’s Desk wasn’t available so the Police don’t have her formal complaint filed up. She is currently in Sogod, Southern Leyte and we are over here in Manila. She badly wants to get out of that town and come back here to us but the papers (Medico-legal, etc.) she needs isn’t available until this coming Monday. She’s seeking Justice but to be able to process everything legally and by the book, she needs to stay there for two more days. The person who assaulted her already threatened to kill her, and he is still free and not behind bars. I wonder why the system is the way it is right now. We tried contacting organizations that could help us out but offices won’t be open until Monday. Abused women are helpless here. This is the devastating truth.
Now, all I can do is pray that she gets through until Monday. Until she gets home here safe and sound.
The past year, I’ve done nothing but cry over lost friendships. I have spend an ample of time contemplating over things I could have done or I might have done wrong. Honestly, I have been miserable.
My birthday came, I reached out to a friend whom I have not seen in a year. I was expecting to see her that day. Well, like any other expectation, it did disappoint, she never came. We never met. Yesterday, I tried to reconnect with another dear friend whom I haven’t talked with in two years. I made the first move. After hours of waiting, I wasn’t even good enough to be acknowledge by my name. I let that one go. I tried again, this time through a private message. Maybe something would change if nobody knows we are talking.
Me: I miss you. What happened to us?
Old Friend: I don’t know…
Me:Was it me? Did I do something wrong?
Old Friend: I’m not sure. I don’t remember anymore.
If you could only see my heart, it was shattered into pieces. Just like the song by The Script – “I wanted words but all I heard was nothing.” I told my Love about it, and the response I got was:
The people who matters most are those with you and in your life right now.
Those words hit me hard. I can’t believe I have been sulking over people who are not in my life anymore. I have been missing people whom I will never know if they ever miss me back. As much as I want them in my life, friendship is a two-way process. I cannot force them to be in my life as much as I cannot force myself to be in theirs. Sad to say, people do really come and go. I was hoping I would be able to look back in my life and see something constant in it, an old friend perhaps. I know, I’m such a dreamer. I look back and all I see were the heartaches I have gone through trying to save something that couldn’t be saved. I have to stop. I needed to stop. I bid my so-called best friend obsession my last farewell. Life goes on.