The past year, I’ve done nothing but cry over lost friendships. I have spend an ample of time contemplating over things I could have done or I might have done wrong. Honestly, I have been miserable.
My birthday came, I reached out to a friend whom I have not seen in a year. I was expecting to see her that day. Well, like any other expectation, it did disappoint, she never came. We never met. Yesterday, I tried to reconnect with another dear friend whom I haven’t talked with in two years. I made the first move. After hours of waiting, I wasn’t even good enough to be acknowledge by my name. I let that one go. I tried again, this time through a private message. Maybe something would change if nobody knows we are talking.
Me: I miss you. What happened to us?
Old Friend: I don’t know…
Me:Was it me? Did I do something wrong?
Old Friend: I’m not sure. I don’t remember anymore.
If you could only see my heart, it was shattered into pieces. Just like the song by The Script – “I wanted words but all I heard was nothing.” I told my Love about it, and the response I got was:
The people who matters most are those with you and in your life right now.
Those words hit me hard. I can’t believe I have been sulking over people who are not in my life anymore. I have been missing people whom I will never know if they ever miss me back. As much as I want them in my life, friendship is a two-way process. I cannot force them to be in my life as much as I cannot force myself to be in theirs. Sad to say, people do really come and go. I was hoping I would be able to look back in my life and see something constant in it, an old friend perhaps. I know, I’m such a dreamer. I look back and all I see were the heartaches I have gone through trying to save something that couldn’t be saved. I have to stop. I needed to stop. I bid my so-called best friend obsession my last farewell. Life goes on.